i lost my mind in the tangle of stars overhead
by turtleducklings
Summary: She dreams of a man. A madman with a blue police box that's bigger on the inside and can travel anywhere in time and space. -— Amelia Jessica Pond, forever waiting for her Doctor.


i lost my mind in the tangle of stars overhead.  
><strong>amy pond.<br>**( _the girl who waited_ )  
>:: author's note: i know the second to last part doesn't match up with <em>The Big Bang<em>, but i like eeeet.  
>thanks to koalakoala for the beta :) ::<br>disclaimer: i don't own.

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><p>I. <strong>"We're all just stories in the end."<strong>

Amelia Jessica Pond is nine. She has a mum and a dad and a great big house and a good school. She has a white dog with ginger spots named Flamey and a pair of bright red wellies that she never ever ever takes off (well, except when she sleeps, because who wears shoes to bed?). She is an absolute, beautiful, storybook fairytale.

Her life is filled with perfection, but this girl who is waiting is empty.

This is where our story begins.

II. **"Little Amelia Pond... the girl who waited."**

She's never really felt at home. Her mother can bring her and Rory all the cookies in the world and her father can lift her up high-high-higher on his shoulders and her Aunt Sharon can give her one-thousand kisses on her cheeks, but she'll never feel like she belongs here, with her feet down on the ground.

After her mum leaves her bedroom after tucking her in every night, she sits in the window, stares up at the stars, and waits.

(but for what, she's not yet sure.)

III. **The Raggedy Doctor**

She dreams of a man. A madman with a blue police box that's bigger on the inside and can travel anywhere in time and space.

Most of the time, he wears braces underneath his coat (with elbow patches), and also this ridiculous bow-tie. But in her most frequent dream (one where both of them are sitting at her kitchen table while he dips fish fingers in custard and she wrinkles her nose) he wears a torn-up shirt and a crooked tie with off-white trainers.

She names him the Raggedy Doctor and makes Rory dress up as him while they run around her garden in the summertime.

(And if she's being honest, this is the most real she's everever felt.)

IV. **"I grew up." "Don't worry, I'll soon fix that."**

The day she turns eleven and five months is the day she stops playing Raggedy Doctor with Rory.

"Why don't you wanna play that one today?"

She sighs dramatically, pushes her hair over one shoulder. "Because, _Rory_, I'm getting too old for silly games like these. The Raggedy Doctor isn't _real_."

He shrugs. "Yeah, well, I know that. But…it's fun." He doesn't tell her the only reason he likes playing Raggedy Doctor is because he gets to hold her hand as she drags him up and down her mum's vegetable patch and sprays dirt everywhere.

She rolls her eyes. "Yes, but that sort of fun is for babies." She enunciates each syllable clearly.

That night, she has a dream of grown-up Amelia and her Raggedy Doctor.

_"I grew up."_

_"Oh, you never want to do that."_

The next day, she officially starts going by Amy.

V. **"Please tell me you have a plan." "No, I have a thing. It's like a plan, but with more greatness."**

Grown-up Amelia (Amy, Amy, _Amy_) Jessica Pond doesn't know what she's doing. Life was simpler when she knew how the story ended.

(The Doctor always saves the day, that's how the story ends every time.)

She doesn't have a plan, but she knows that this hurts. Why does she feel sad when she looks at Rory, or feel like crying when she sees that one justright shade of blue? When she catches sight of a bow-tie, she feels a wave of exasperation. Suspenders, joy. And, God, that one shade of blue…there's a name for it…_TARDIS_ blue.

She sits up in bed. Rory turns over in his sleep. She breathes in. Then out.

Where did that word come from?

She slips out from under the covers and stands in the middle of the room, facing the window, for ten minutes.

She rises up on her toes. Falls back down. She closes her eyes. Opens them again when nothing comes. Her red nails idly scratch the spider-bite on her wrist.

She turns and slides back between the sheets. She buries her nose in Rory's neck and thinks, _What's missing?_

VI. **Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.**

It's her wedding day, and something is still not right.

_"Amy Pond, you are magnificent."_

_"All of time and space, everywhere and anywhere, every star that ever was… Where do you want to start?"_

_"The way I see it, life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't always spoil the good things."_

_"Amelia Pond_…_the girl who didn't make sense."_

Why why _why_? Why is this stupid imaginary friend, this Raggedy Doctor so _damn_ important?

"…isn't it like that saying?"

She can practically hear her train of thought screeching to a halt. She turns to Rory. "What saying?"

"You know, that saying for weddings…something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue."

…what?

_"Did I ever tell you that I stole it? Well, I borrowed it. I was always going to take it back. Oh that box. Amy, you'll dream about that box. It'll never leave you. Big and little at the same time. Brand new and ancient. And the bluest…blue…ever."_

Remember. She has to remember something, because it's important, because her life depends on it. It's something about the Raggedy Doctor, and that damn box…

TARDIS.

And then he's crashing, _crashing_ back into her life, because he was never any good at inconspicuous entrances.

"Doctor."

A smile. "Miss me?"

VII. **"Come along, Pond!"**

When Rory's asleep and the TARDIS is as quiet as the TARDIS can get, she tiptoes out of their room and towards the console. "Doctor?"

He's whirling around the room, screwing this in here and banging that together there. "Yes? Oh, hello Pond! Wonderful day, isn't it? Or is it nighttime? I can never tell up here in the time-space continuum. What do you think?"

She laughs. He asks, "What?"

"Nothing. It's just good to have you back."

He strides over, kisses her forehead and winds his fingers through hers. "It's good to be back."

He spins her around the TARDIS console while she radiates joy, and she thinks that she wouldn't mind this fairytale being the rest of her life.


End file.
